Community Guidelines

Fontanne Community Intentions & Guidelines

Please read thoroughly - your continued membership in Fontanne means you agree to adhere to these guidelines.

We thank Gemma Stone for writing the Intentions and Brené Brown for the User Guidelines.

Agreement of Intention

This is a place of love. It is a safe space for each of us because we treat each other with love.

This is a place of safety. Nothing that is shared here will leave without permission of the person sharing. We leave shame, blame, judgment, comparison, and competition outside of our safe space.

This is a place of community. We will all be invited and encouraged to share questions, wisdom, insight, uncertainty, writing, art, and reflections. No one will be pushed to share; everyone will be invited.

This is a place of growth. We are all on our own journeys. We are all here to learn. All questions are welcomed. All wisdom is welcome. We are all growing.

This is a place of belonging. We each belong to our desires, our lives, and our community. We are each responsible for how we interact and what we get out of our time together.

This is a place of sovereignty. We are here to support and encourage each other. We do not try to fix, control, save, mend, or rescue each other. We allow vulnerability in by being present with it.

This is a place of honouring. We create a space where people can offer their gifts and ask for what they need.

This is a place of compassion. When we encounter resistance, we meet it with grace. When someone is in darkness, we shine light. When someone is in process, we provide patience and quiet presence.

Group Guidelines

Here at Fontanne, we are trying to create the type of community that doesn’t seem to exist on many online platforms these days — a gathering of people committed to learning, building connection, and engaging with kindness and accountability.

Posting Guidelines

All comments that do not adhere to the group intentions will be removed.

We have the right to remove or refuse to post any user comment for any or no reason at our sole discretion.

Spam or commercial content will be removed.

Don’t include personal identifying information in your comments (address, etc.) or display name (no first+last names combined or email addresses).

We reserve the right to remove comments left to protest a removed comment.

Repeated abuse of our guidelines will lead to commenting privileges being revoked.

Our Community Values

Practicing curiosity and humility

Engaging in respectful and informed debate and disagreement

Honouring the diversity of lived experiences

Showing up authentically and with appropriate boundaries

Practicing empathy and compassion

Being accountable

Our Values in Action

“Listening with the same passion with which you want to be heard.” Harriet Lerner

“Seeking first to understand, then to be understood.” Steven Covey

Asking clarifying questions rather than making assumptions.

It’s OK to say, “In my experience” or “When I was struggling with this, I found it helpful to . . .” Don’t try to fix anyone.

Use "I" statements when possible.

Be responsible for your intentions, your words, your actions, and the energy you bring to this space.

Enter the community space with good intentions and be willing to own when your intent doesn’t align with your action or impact. We're human, we're going to fuck up, it's ok just take accountability.

The Expectations

The values and types of behaviours that support our community, the near enemy of these values and behaviours, and the far enemies. Near and far enemies are Buddhist concepts that have profoundly changed the way I think about human behaviour (including my own).

A far enemy is easy to spot because it’s the OPPOSITE of what we’re trying to achieve — for example, the far enemy of being curious can be attacking behaviours, defensiveness, and/or putting someone down. Far enemies are often behaviours that are self-protective, sometimes thoughtless, and, in the case of social media, shitty ways to offload pain or anger.

Near enemies are trickier because they masquerade as value aligned, while actually undermining what we’re trying to achieve. For example, the near enemy of curiosity might be advice-giving and teaching rather than empathizing and listening. On the surface, advice-giving may not seem like a bad thing, but it’s a huge disconnector — especially when no one asked for our advice. It’s one of the most common empathic misses (or as I call it 'attempthy').

The Near Enemy Behaviours

Being a knower versus a learner when it comes to other people’s experiences
Advice giving and fixing versus listening and empathizing
Pity and sympathy versus compassion (It’s a “bless your heart” free zone)
Assuming the worst in others
Hijacking conversations
Diminishing experiences that are different than yours
Not taking responsibility for misaligned intention and impact: “I didn’t mean to, so I’m not accountable.”
Diminishing how someone might be affected by your words and actions

The Far Enemy Behaviours

(These behaviours will absolutely not be tolerated and will most likely get you blocked from the community. They are clearly the opposite of what we value. And, there are plenty of other places to be shitty).

Attacking
Name-calling
Put-downs
Dehumanizing individuals or groups
Cruelty
Ignoring
Shaming
Inappropriate disclosure
Disclosing personal information about yourself or others (addresses, workplace, both first and last names of private people, etc.)
Pretending to be someone you are not
Indifference about how your words or behaviours affect others (intention vs. impact)
Misinformation, disinformation, and non-supported data

A note on why we're not on Facebook

Fontanne decided to give Facebook the boot, and here’s why: Social media, for all its "connectivity," often feels like the loudest room at the party where nobody’s really listening. It's easy to get lost in a sea of memes, ads, and the endless scroll that zaps your time and splinters your attention.

That's not the vibe we're going for.

Our goal? To forge connections that count. We’re talking about the kind of rich, engaging convos that leave you feeling heard, supported, and maybe even a little bit inspired. It's about quality, not quantity. So, as we all venture into this Facebook-free sanctuary, let’s embrace the unfamiliar. Think of it as detoxing our digital diet, trading in the fast food for something a whole lot more nourishing.

Curious about why we're ditching the dopamine chase? Check out this eye-opener on the ‘dopamine cartel’: The State of the Culture 2024.

Now, over to you: Are you breathing a sigh of relief, or do you have the FOMO blues? Spill the beans over in The Lounge.

We’re all ears and zero distractions here.

LAST UPDATED: APRIL, 2024