Secrets, Lies, and Illusions

Last time we talked about speaking our truth in the form of communicating boundaries.  As promised, today we’re continuing our conversation on the throat chakra.

The throat chakra works on the principle of resonance. When we hear something that feels true for us we say that we “resonate” with it. Resonance is something you feel in your body. It’s the kind of truth you recognize in your bones. It’s the knowing in your gut and the “hell yes!” moment that has you nodding along with wide eyes.

When you speak your truth you communicate that resonance to others like ripples across a still pond. And the more we have the courage to speak our truth the more we give others the opportunity to remember and discern what feels true for them.

The shadow of the throat chakra is secrets, lies and illusions

(which sounds like a great title for a murder mystery novel).

So many times when we talk about “shadow” aspects of the chakras or doing our “shadow work” it feels like the shadow is this bad or scary thing and that maybe we should be a little ashamed to even have one. Here’s the thing: shadows are not good or bad. Often they are the wounded places inside of us that are begging to be acknowledged and brought into the light.

We all have a shadow. It’s not something you can run away from but if you ignore it – it can get all stretched out of proportion. The best thing we can do is meet it with curiosity and compassion so we can understand it better and deal with it accordingly.

So…lies, secrets and illusions.

There are the lies we tell ourselves, “someday once x, y, and z fall into place I’ll finally sit down and write the book.

There are the lies we tell others, “I’m pretty sure I never said that, are you sure you heard that right?

There are the secrets we keep – things we’ll “take to the grave” because we feel fear, shame, or guilt around sharing, “no one ever has to know that I cheated – it would only hurt my partner.

And there are the illusions that our families or communities create. For example, no one talks about Uncle Joe’s drinking problem. And as long as everyone agrees not to speak about it – it’s not a big deal, right? (My friend calls this “ostrich syndrome” where we’d rather bury our heads in the sand and refuse to acknowledge the problem than deal with it.)

And there are the secrets, lies, and illusions that society sells us. Like, “Canada is a tolerant, multicultural country that welcomes everyone.

We buy into the lies big and small. They form our reality and in some cases our identity.

When something happens to bring the truth to light – like finding hundreds of unmarked graves of Indigenous children who were victims of Canada’s residential school system – we react with shock and horror partly because we believed the lies.  We don’t want to look at things that challenge our sense of identity. That means we might need to rethink who we are as a nation or how we celebrate traditions like Canada Day. It might mean admitting that collectively, we’re not as tolerant as we claim to be (and that holds up a mirror to our own intolerance) and that we still have a long way to go.

Recognizing this truth, it can feel too big and overwhelming to take on the system – so, we don’t know where to start and may even want to give up because it feels so massive.  As with everything, it starts with us. It starts by acknowledging the truth of the past. Educating ourselves on the problems of the present. And then using our voice to let elected officials and community leaders know the changes that are important to us.

{{{ Change ripples out from our core }}}

And when we speak our truth, the resonance it creates allows others to speak their truth as well. We become a chorus of truth-tellers and we shine a bright light of healing into the darkest corners of our lives, our families, and our communities.

It isn’t easy though.

Actually, it’s challenging as hell. At times, it’s heart-breaking work but oh-so-necessary because real freedom lies on the other side, not just for us but for everyone. We can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. We can’t move forward if we’re telling lies. Healing and balancing our throat chakra will support us as we bravely challenge secrets, lies, and illusions.

Healing and balancing the throat chakra

Your ears are also part of your throat chakra because communication is as much about listening as it is about speaking.


Take a deep breath and close your eyes.

What do you hear?

Just notice the sounds in your home and neighbourhood.  How does each of those sounds make you feel?

  • Stressed or relaxed
  • Anxious or peaceful
  • Energized or depleted

It’s really astounding the power of background noise on our mental health. In my previous home, I basically lived in the middle of a construction zone for 2 years. Once the pandemic hit there was no escape. I tried my best to cope but my nervous system was shot. Thankfully a dear friend offered up an escape to his cottage for the weekend and I happily packed up to go. 

It took my body a full 24 hrs to calm the f*ck down. I’d gotten so used to it, I couldn’t see how much stress the construction noise was actually causing. I needed nature to reset me and force me to see that I needed to make a drastic change…which meant leaving the home I loved and moving out of the city itself so I could feel safe and nourished again. 

Okay, back to you.

Now that you’ve had a chance to acknowledge the noises around you and how they make you feel – what do you need?

More silence?

Try creating sound barriers to the noise pollution with heavy curtains, cushions, and carpets.

A little nature?

Try sweetening the sounds with a small indoor fountain, chimes, bells, or listen to a nature soundtrack.

Nourishing sounds?

You could try the white noise of a fan or put on some good music (bonus points if you warm up that throat chakra and sing along).

Studies have shown that after 20 min the background noise of a coffee shop actually improves our concentration. If COVID means you can’t retreat to your favourite local cafe there are videos on YouTube with hours of milk-steaming, people-chatting coffee shop ambiance.  

Or hop onto a meditation app like Insight Timer and search for meditations at 741 Hz (that’s the frequency of the throat chakra).


Now that you’ve tuned into the sounds around you let’s try it with a piece of music. Music is a powerful instrument for healing (sorry, couldn’t resist 😉 )

Listen deeply to a piece of music and notice how much more you can hear in it. What instruments do you notice? What nuances do you hear? What happens in your body? What emotions rise and fall? Which parts do you resonate with the most (words, rhythm, melody)?

Try it with a piece of music you’ve never heard before too and simply enjoy the experience of being fully present and hearing it for the first time.

And if your body wants to move? Let it! Dancing is a beautiful form of expression. Don’t censor yourself. It’s not the macarena, you don’t need to know the steps – you just need to feeeeeel it.

Listening fully is the cornerstone of coaching. We listen to what’s being said and what’s being left out. The words you choose. The pauses and hesitations. The moments of eye contact and looking away. The emotion of your voice. Your facial expressions and body language. It’s a lot like a piece of music or a dance where all the individual bits come together to make a whole and guide us in the direction of healing.


Writing can be beneficial even if your words are never read by another person (we do this in the GRM!) simply because it gives you a chance to express yourself fully, without having to rush or hold back.

Find a block of time when you won’t be interrupted and craft what you need to say. When we write we open a channel that invites the deepest self-expression. And on that note…

‘Getting curious about your shadow’ journal prompts

  1. Were there any family illusions you were expected to uphold (like pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t)?
  2. Were you forced to keep secrets? (‘Don’t tell Mommy’) How did that affect you? Did it impact your ability to speak the truth about other things?
  3. Has anyone ever kept a secret from you? How did you feel when you found out the truth? How did that betrayal affect your other relationships?
  4. Did you ever have to lie to avoid punishment, humiliation, or to protect others?  How did that impact your ability to speak up for yourself?
  5. Are there certain spaces, topics, or relationships where it feels more difficult to speak up than others? Why do you think that is?
  6. How can you empower the parts of yourself that still feel scared to speak up?

Just like communicating and honouring our boundaries takes practice – so does speaking our truth. And just like people push back on our boundaries because change is uncomfortable, push back is a normal reaction when we choose to speak our truth, especially in relationships and communities that are built on secrets, lies, and illusions.

Please remember that this is hard work. Be gentle with yourself. Take good care of yourself. And reach out for help when you need it.

And every time it gets hard…remind yourself that it’s WORTH it. That, as Glennon says, “we can do hard things.” Because this is how we set ourselves free. This is how we step out of the darkness, shame, and silence and into the light. This is how we heal our families and communities. You can do it.

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