People sometimes ask me what kind of results they can expect from Life and Death coaching.
It’s a great question – after all you wouldn’t go buy a cool-looking-little-gadget-thingamjig unless you knew what it was actually going to do for you, right?
Rather than me extol the virtues of Life and Death Coaching (let’s be honest, I’m a bit biased!) let’s take a look at the story of one of my favourite clients, Kate.
The beginning of Kate’s story is so familiar. Maybe you can relate?
She was a typical stuck in a corporate rut kind of gal. On paper everything looked fine, but her soul was yearning for more. She felt torn between two options – to stay with the seemingly safe status quo, or to follow what her heart was telling her. This tension was affecting her inner and outer lives dramatically.
Inwardly, Kate felt out of touch with who she really was. She struggled with the conflict between her head and heart, and was plagued by persistent worries about the future. She felt stifled and unable to pursue her dreams.
All that tension was affecting her outer life, too. When Kate came to me, she was struggling with anxiety and having trouble sleeping. She felt alone and like no one understood what she was going through. “It felt so nuanced” she told me later “it was hard to talk to people about.”
Clearly there was no time to lose. Kate and I got started on the coaching process.
Core Values First
Finding your core values is one of the first steps in the Life and Death Coaching process. Getting to know your core values is like going on a first date with yourself. You’re a mix of anxious and excited, wondering what you’ll discover, and if you’ll have fun! And yes, you’ll not only discover what you hold dear, and what truly matters to you in life, you’ll get to know yourself on a way deeper level. And because of that, it’s a lot easier to create a life that’s perfectly tailored just for you when you understand what ‘makes you tick’ (and what ticks you off!)
Back when I was a stressed-out events manager, I learned that one of my core values was “rest.” REST, ha! That was for everyone else. I was out here pulling 24 hour days. After I realised how important rest was to me, I made a conscious effort to make “more rest, less stress” my mantra (which was way better for me than “where the hell are the caterers?!?”) and immediately prioritized rest in my life.
Kate felt the same.
“I felt a lack of clarity when it came to understanding myself.” Kate told me after coaching. “Without a clear set of core values, I found it hard to identify or articulate what was important to me.”
Once Kate got acquainted with her core values, a good dose of clarity and conviction soon followed. See, when you really understand what matters to you, you can’t help but start building your life around those things. Kate soon realised that the some of the key values within the team she was working with didn’t align with her own values. Seeing that was a key step for her – because suddenly she wasn’t struggling with questions of who she was, and what mattered to her. She knew the answers to those questions deep down in her core. Now she was asking the questions that bring about big changes – how do I live from that? How do I bring that into my everyday life?
Next Comes Courage
Kate told me she was struggling to find the sense of self or confidence to really pursue her dreams. It was hard for her – as it is for so many of us – to let go of limiting beliefs and ingrained thoughts. We spent some time digging into the concept of courage – another core tenet of my work.
It’s easy to wrap courage up in big sweeping stories and heroic acts, but courage doesn’t have to mean saving a kitten from a burning building. Small everyday acts of courage are the ones that make a long lasting difference in our lives.
The 5 acts of courage I believe in most are:
- Speaking your truth (give voice to your concerns, feeling and thoughts and share them with others)
- Owning your story (be who you are, no apologies or explaining necessary, and accept yourself, faults, scars and all)
- Taking responsibility (instead of blaming a person, situation or environment, which gives your power to them, take responsibility and bring your power back to you)
- Setting boundaries (being honest about what is cool with you, and what isn’t, and learning to deal with the momentary awkwardness of saying no)
- Reaching out and asking for help (we’re wired for connection and we’re here to help each other….so don’t be afraid to ask for help!)
I asked Kate what had pushed her to make the final step and work with a coach. She told me that she finally realised she couldn’t do it alone – she needed a guide to support her on her journey to getting more in touch with herself and her dreams.
After we finished coaching she told me that as well as taking the step to ask for help when needed, coaching also helped her tap into her own leadership abilities and learn deeper trust in herself and her insights.
Having Someone In Your Corner Makes All The Difference
Shining a bright light on the darkest corners of your being is hard. It takes courage to dive deep and learn to listen to your soul, and even harder to look closer at our unrealised dreams and the things that frustrate us in life.
As a coach, I’m the non-judgmental sounding board my clients need. I held space for Kate and acted as a mirror for her so she could take the time to work through her limits, beliefs, and dreams in a safe, supportive environment. Coaches don’t tell you what to do – they help you find your own answers, which is so much more powerful. Because let’s be honest, how often do you actually do what someone tells you to do? Sometimes you might even do the opposite because you don’t like being told what to do (I hear you m’dear!) But when you find the answers from within yourself, then you want to listen and follow through. It’s a whole different experience.
Feeling supported is so important when taking on any kind of new venture. You want to know you’re making the best decisions for yourself. It helps to have someone to gently and lovingly call you on your BS and challenge the gremlins that hold you back from greatness.
I asked Kate what her favourite aspect of coaching was.
“Having you in my corner.” She told me. “It felt like we were in it together and you were walking with me through the challenges, questions, and obstacles I’d created. It felt like a true partnership.”
A Gift That Keeps On Giving
During our post-coaching evaluation, Kate told me “coaching fills you up in a way that lets you then give more back to others – it’s like a gift that keeps on giving.”
Kate was so glad she’d given herself the gift of investing in her dreams and her life. As a result she was able to gain greater clarity, balance, and fulfillment.
If you’re thinking about death coaching, I encourage you to ask yourself this question: Where will you be a year from now if you keep doing what you’ve always done? If the answer is anything less than “living a life I love so hard I want to grab it by the lapels and kiss it on the mouth”, it’s time to call in a pro, in the shape of an experienced Life and Death Coach who has the skills to guide you through the landscape of your dreams and desires and into a life you’ll be proud of.
Your New Life Is Waiting
What do the results of Life and Death Coaching look like? Let’s ask Kate:
“Coaching helped me make the big decision to wholeheartedly pursue my passion of helping others. I left my corporate job and dove head first into building a business that’s aligned with my core values and strengths. Work doesn’t feel like “work”, and I approach every day with excitement and passion. I truly enjoy what I’m doing and can’t wait to see what the future has in store.”
Ready to take your life in a brand new direction so perfectly YOU you’ll want to holler for sheer joy? Book your discovery session right here.